Embracing the "F" bomb...

Day 5

I'm not the least bit ashamed to admit that the "F' word is by far my favorite of all the curse words. Perhaps this is a problem in and of itself but that's a post for another day.  I use it far more often than I mean to, certainly more that would lady like, but considering there are scientific studies that show the physical and emotional benefit to using curse words as stress reducers I'm going to continue in the name of self preservation.
Today however the "F" bomb I'm looking to drop is a different one.  Today, my "F" stands for failure...

This is what got me today...only 5 days in.  When I went to pick up Buster from daycare I was told he had woken up with a fever this afternoon.  The good news, as far as I was concerned, was that he was acting pretty normal, fussy maybe, but still running around babbling his little head off.  So I told her we would monitor and keep her posted before we brought him back. As stupid as it may seem, taking this kids temperature stresses me out (and sometimes results in me utilizing my previously mentioned stress reducer).   Trying to get him to hold still while I attempt to press his little arm to his side to hold the thermometer in place for what feels like FOREVER has yet to really work for me.   The Hubs can do this no problem, but mom...not so much.  So ironically just a few days ago I had made the decision to finally get one of these instant read jobbies for both of our sakes but clearly I had planned on waiting until after Free February.  Why?  Because we already have a thermometer.  Rendering this one, albeit so much better...a luxury.  Crash.  Burn.
I spent a fair amount of time beating myself up for this tonight.  Despite the fact I have used it multiple times already with not only success but no incident what so ever makes part of me (the logical side) F'n happy.  But that other half, the half that is trying desperately to reconcile a failure on a 28 day project only 5 days in has struggled.  And then I told myself to get over it.  So what.  One failure does not define the whole experience, unless you let it.  I mean lets face it, without a fair amount of failure how does one learn to really appreciate success?  I might lose of few of you here but I take a pretty hard line on this concept.  I do not subscribe to the notion of "every kid gets a trophy".   I also don't think every kid should make the team/play/band whatever just because they try.  I really feel these things do a terrible disservice to our children because that is JUST NOT how life works.  You don't get a job just because you show up for the interview and you certainly don't get a raise/promotion just because you have good attendance.  As a parent, I get it.  We want to shield our children from pain and upset.  We work so hard to build their self esteem and sense of worth and it is torture to watch your hard work chipped away by someone who doesn't appreciate how fabulous they are.  But guess what not everyone they encounter in their lives is going to find them to be the little gems we know they are.  So yes failure sucks and it hurts but it also teaches.  It teaches us that we aren't invincible and that sometimes our best wont be good enough but that's ok.  The beautiful thing about failure is that it is just a comma not a period.  Its a pause in a path but not the end of a journey.  So you don't make the team the first time you try, you identify your weakness and work to grow stronger and you try again.  So you don't get the part in the school play, you keep honing your work and audition again and again until you find the part you were meant to play.  So you spend unplanned money on a thermometer to take care of your sick kid, you brush it off and give yourself a chance to do better tomorrow.  You embrace the failure because success without failure just isn't as sweet.

Shut the front door...

Day 4

Short and sweet today people.  Not only did I not spend any money…I FOUND MONEY!  Seriously check it out…it helps when you have as many aliases as I do…but whatever don’t judge, I’m getting paid!

Almost Made It...

Day 3 

I thought I might make it through the whole weekend without spending ANY money but of course life had other plans. For one it slipped my mind that we had planned on hitting Babies R Us this weekend to take advantage of their trade-in sale. Buster was using a car seat I got from a friend that really filled a gap for us, but had expired in December. And while many Americans might ignore an expiration date stamped on a car seat, when your Hubs has sat through 40+ hours of car seat training you are not afforded that luxury (and as an added safety commercial-you really shouldn’t ignore it-the plastic can degrade over time due to extreme temp conditions in your vehicle and it can really weaken the safety and effectiveness of your seat. So please, don’t ignore this date, it could save a most important life!). Couple this with the fact that we also reached the 30” mark and we had two car seats that needed to be replaced… OY. Thankfully we had been hording gift cards, some of which we received3 when he was born, that had been earmarked just for this purchase. So I am happy to report that after extensive research we selected our new seat (Times 2) and with the trade-in credit on one, a coupon for the second and a cash in of our gift card stash we only came out of pocket 125 bucks. Still no small day but this was certainly a necessary expense and we managed to do it at a time when we could maximize our savings so I’ll count it as a win.

Speaking of win, quite a game last night! I love football but I’m team agnostic. I have never, for whatever reason, formed a true sports allegiance. I tend to sort of pick and chose based on the game and who happens to be playing. I guess I had sort of aligned myself to the 49’s last night, due to the fan base that surrounded me, but I can enjoy a good play regardless of who makes it and there were lots of good plays last night…some fairly shitty ones too…but for the most part a really exciting game to watch. We ended up deciding, fairly last minute, to have a few friends over to watch the game (those of us with early to bed ankle biters don’t make the best guest for a party that doesn’t even start till 6:18) and I needed lunch supplies for my work week so a trip to the grocery was required yesterday too. This I will claim as my failure for the day. Not only did I not have a list (or any coupons) I had a sleeping baby in the car. So I got dropped at the front door and proceeded to play my own game of Supermarket Sweep. The combo of no list, no coupons and no time did not make for a very responsible grocery run. So naturally I get home to find that I had forgotten things I needed, surprise, surprise and I spent WAY more than I would have if I had planned and prepared properly…What’s that about the 7 P’s: Prior Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance…I got the last three down pat…

"Free"dom aint always fun...

Day 2:


I had the amazing honor of accompanying my bestie wedding dress shopping this morning.  If you have never shared this experience with someone before add it to your bucket list, really, you must.  (go camp out at David's Bridal if you have to, believe me every woman can use one more cheerleader!)  To see the excitement, joy, hopefulness that a wedding brings is really a beautiful thing.  Its one of the reasons I firmly believe we should all be allowed to remarry at least every 5 years.  Before you go gettin all crazy, you can totally remarry the one who brought you, but to have a chance to revive that spark, to look at that person, your person and remember why you said "I do" is really a gift...and fresh sheets and towels every 5 years seems about right to me too...
After such a successful trip, and lots of hard work, tummies were rumbling so naturally everyone wanted to grab lunch.  But wait...lunch outside of my kitchen falls squarely into the no-no zone....@$*#...So I had to bow out....which really totally blew (but not quite as much as the peanut butter and jelly I ended up having for lunch).  A not so pleasant reminder that often times when we spend those nonessential dollars its really driven by a social need over a material one.  I wanted more than anything to kick back over all you can eat soup, salad and breadsticks and raise a very large, very frosty glass to one of  my most favorite people in the whole world, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  Truthfully were I not openly sharing this endeavor I would have said screw it and gone anyway, which is precisely why I AM sharing this endeavor.  Accountability.  Like so much in life if no one knows your doing something then no one has to know if you fail.  Conversely if no one knows what your doing then there is no one to lift you up and offer you a had when you fall...Sigh...
So whether you intended to or not, thanks for the nudge to do the right thing today, consider your good deed done.

Damn you Zulily!

         Day one, 9:20 am and I already have to catch myself when I open my email and see Zulily has a Stride Rite sale today…CURSES!  Ahh the lessons come hard and fast.  I’m already seeing this may be more about recognizing how easy it is to spend money.  I mean the consumerism is everywhere, it’s even attacking me from my own inbox!  I guess crawling in an internet/facebook/email hole for the month fully defeats the purpose of this exercise though so the temptations live on. Here is just a little taste of what was in my mailbox before 9 am this morning:

Restoration Hardware:  Save Up to 25% on Bedroom & Bath Furniture, Linens, Lighting and More

BJ’s: Final Days for Special Offers

LL Bean: Save up to 60% This Weekend + Free Shipping

William Sonoma: Exclusive Online Offer: 10% Off

The Children’s Place: 25% Off Everything in the Store!

Gymboree: Rain, rain, go away…Rain Gear Shop now open! Plus up to 60% off sale ends Sunday!

Zulily: Up to 80% off | Stride Rite sporty kids' shoes, Pretty in Pink Collection girls' apparel & accessories, Petit Ami handcrafted smocking and more

It is defiantly time for an “unsubscribe” campaign.

            I took care of a few last minute “spends” yesterday, much like the junkie that needs one last hit before they leave for rehab, even got gas on my way home rather than on my way to work this morning.  I realize gas isn’t a “luxury” spend but somehow the first day will feel more successful if I don’t have to remove my check card from my wallet at all. :)

            In other news I actually packed my lunch today!  Only to get to work and remember that we have a chili cookoff at the office…oh well, the effort was made at least.

Daily Spending: I did have to send the check for our summer/fall CSA share today. But I hold no guilt as this is a grocery expense that will cover 23 weeks this summer!

Wake up Call

I am not a big one for New Years Resolutions. I sort of camp in the thought that if something is worth doing its worth doing now, not just on January 1 st (as in, I have 33 more days of deviant behavior before I turn over my new leaf). That being said I have been thinking seriously for the last week or so about my eating habits and perhaps giving the 21 day sugar detox (which ended after three days last spring when my then full time nursing infant was spitting up constantly from the influx of dairy products) another go or even trying out the Whole30 to sort of reset my system. These thoughts were whirling in my head today as I stood in our little café downstairs trying to make a “good” “sensible” lunch choice. I settled on a delicious little gem they offer that is essentially homemade cranberry/walnut chicken salad on a bed of greens-letting myself not think too much about how bad it probably is with the mayo holding it all together- and blinked a little heavily when she rang me up. I spent the rest of my elevator ride back up to the office reflecting on how I just paid 9 dollars for a salad! 9 DOLLARS (well 8.36 but I handed her 9 so it’s close enough for me). What an idiot. I could spend 9 dollars at the store make the same salad and have enough left over for three more lunches! IDIOT! (Let me pause here to disclaim that this is in NO way a riff on my little café or their delicious salad. Rock on small business owner with overhead cost-I get it-your salad is fresh and delightful but I’ve got to check myself) Finances are always a timely topic. Even though the economy is on the mend, my paycheck is not. It has held steady (bless you Lord for a great job) for the last 3 years but the cost of goods has marched on. Everything from the gas for my car to the eggs in my fridge cost more today than a year ago and while the Hubs and I are aware of the changes we haven’t really had to make any of our own to compensate (first world problems, I know). But lately our talk has turned to baby number two, specifically whether or not we can afford it. I’ve made charts highlighting our monthly expenses, we’ve looked at the added cost a second bambino would bring and each time we seem to come back to the same answer; that we just couldn’t make it work financially…but could we? How many 9 dollar salads am I buying and not giving any thought too?Clearly I realize that skipping Starbucks and lunches out aren’t going to equate to enough added income to make room for baby but this little revelation did get me thinking that a detox might be just what the Dr. ordered. Conveniently tomorrow starts a new month…extra conveniently it happens to be the shortest one of the year…and in an effort to be a more thoughtful spender I am going to attempt a little project I’m going to call “Free February”. The goal is to nip any unnecessary or luxury spending. No coffees, no lunches, (unless someone else is buying…hey I’m no martyr) no uncalled for trips to Target…esh that last one hurt, and to see where I stand financially at month end. As alluded to in my blog title, failure is mostly guaranteed so I will chronicle my days and share my successes as well as afore mentioned failures with you all! Now if you will excuse me I have a little discretionary spending to take care of before midnight.

Poo on you!

As much as I dream of great time saving family organizing routines in my head the reality is most days are a scrape and grab to get it all done.  However one “routine” I have followed staunchly since the time I went back to work is how I get ready in the mornings.  I'll spare you all the details save for the last and most important one…the dead last thing I do before kissing the boys and walking out the door is put my clothes on.  Before anyone  runs to call CPS I am wearing clothes, just not my wool/cashmere blend dry clean only what the f#*k was I thinking work wardrobe.  Once out of the shower I simply put my pj’s back on…judge if you will…because kids are dirty (at least my kid).  Although we are slowing leaving the days of spit up behind us we now have the new adventure of banana hands and oatmeal face.  I love spending the mornings with my little dude but I have to accept his dirty reality to avoid any undeserved chastising because he put his sweet little sticky hand on my Ann Taylor sweater, I just remove the obstacle.  Fast fwd to today’s failure…I’m guessing you can see where this is going…indulge me anyway. 

I’ve been trying to get to work early, making up some time I’ve had to take for being sick and then M being sick.  So this morning while he’s watching his Baby Einstein DVD (again, judge if you will) I jump in the shower and for whatever reason I think, hey he’s been doing really well and I can avoid any major damage with a washcloth at the ready so I’ll go ahead and get dressed in my big girl clothes.  Breakfast goes smooth as silk and now I’m just feeling cocky, as we head back to his room to get him dressed to leave for daycare I get the whiff that this will be a full service diaper change.  No problem….

It should be mentioned here that for whatever reason this baby DOES NOT TOLLERATE his changing table.  It’s a back arching, alligator rolling, big tear producing experience (if any one has any tips here, please interject).  So needless to say cleaning up a HUGE poop with a squirmy kid is a dangerous proposition any day.  But today, it happened…my nightmare…the ewiest of eww… after 10 mess free months as I’m peeling the diaper away he simultaneously yanks his little leg out of my hand and slams in down…RIGHT IN HIS POO!  My first though is “man if Mike were home he would be pukeing right now” and that quickly morphed into GD of course this happens when I’m in my work clothes…cause I am NEVER in my work clothes right now!  To make matters worse my wipe supply was perilously low, so low in fact I was concerned I might not get him clean BEFORE he fully engaged his little limbs into the fray.  Somehow I managed to compose myself (although not before yelling and scaring the baby, FAIL) and the poo gods were smiling on me as I had just enough wipes handy that I didn’t have to carry his nasty little self to the tub to just shower it all off…Ugg, if I never have to deal with that again it will be too soon!  This is what happens when you break routine…lesson learned!