I'm not the least bit ashamed to admit that the "F' word is by far my favorite of all the curse words. Perhaps this is a problem in and of itself but that's a post for another day. I use it far more often than I mean to, certainly more that would lady like, but considering there are scientific studies that show the physical and emotional benefit to using curse words as stress reducers I'm going to continue in the name of self preservation.
Today however the "F" bomb I'm looking to drop is a different one. Today, my "F" stands for failure...
This is what got me today...only 5 days in. When I went to pick up Buster from daycare I was told he had woken up with a fever this afternoon. The good news, as far as I was concerned, was that he was acting pretty normal, fussy maybe, but still running around babbling his little head off. So I told her we would monitor and keep her posted before we brought him back. As stupid as it may seem, taking this kids temperature stresses me out (and sometimes results in me utilizing my previously mentioned stress reducer). Trying to get him to hold still while I attempt to press his little arm to his side to hold the thermometer in place for what feels like FOREVER has yet to really work for me. The Hubs can do this no problem, but mom...not so much. So ironically just a few days ago I had made the decision to finally get one of these instant read jobbies for both of our sakes but clearly I had planned on waiting until after Free February. Why? Because we already have a thermometer. Rendering this one, albeit so much better...a luxury. Crash. Burn.
I spent a fair amount of time beating myself up for this tonight. Despite the fact I have used it multiple times already with not only success but no incident what so ever makes part of me (the logical side) F'n happy. But that other half, the half that is trying desperately to reconcile a failure on a 28 day project only 5 days in has struggled. And then I told myself to get over it. So what. One failure does not define the whole experience, unless you let it. I mean lets face it, without a fair amount of failure how does one learn to really appreciate success? I might lose of few of you here but I take a pretty hard line on this concept. I do not subscribe to the notion of "every kid gets a trophy". I also don't think every kid should make the team/play/band whatever just because they try. I really feel these things do a terrible disservice to our children because that is JUST NOT how life works. You don't get a job just because you show up for the interview and you certainly don't get a raise/promotion just because you have good attendance. As a parent, I get it. We want to shield our children from pain and upset. We work so hard to build their self esteem and sense of worth and it is torture to watch your hard work chipped away by someone who doesn't appreciate how fabulous they are. But guess what not everyone they encounter in their lives is going to find them to be the little gems we know they are. So yes failure sucks and it hurts but it also teaches. It teaches us that we aren't invincible and that sometimes our best wont be good enough but that's ok. The beautiful thing about failure is that it is just a comma not a period. Its a pause in a path but not the end of a journey. So you don't make the team the first time you try, you identify your weakness and work to grow stronger and you try again. So you don't get the part in the school play, you keep honing your work and audition again and again until you find the part you were meant to play. So you spend unplanned money on a thermometer to take care of your sick kid, you brush it off and give yourself a chance to do better tomorrow. You embrace the failure because success without failure just isn't as sweet.